Some of you may have read this before, It is from one of my myspace blogs. I am ammending it, because it seems DAILY, that I am reminded of this topic.
I don't think people realize just how very much their every action impacts the person their child becomes... Today, my son held the door for someone because that is what his father and I do for others. We haven't told him to do it. He watches us and learns from us. (Don't worry folks- I'm not hopping on my brag box. This is the same reason why last month this same son told my mother-n-law that we are supposed to yell "G** Damn It" when we honk the horn.)
I have come to learn that children are like sponges, they absorb and grow every second of every day. If they are exposed to good and loving, positive behavior then that is what they absorb and grow full of...and likewise, when they are exposed to negative behavior, be it arguing parents, cussing, put downs or bullying, bad manners, or violence; that, as well, is what they absorb and become full of...And folks, just like a sponge, when they are squeezed...whatever life put in them is what comes out!
Parenting is our greatest challenge, responsibility, and OPPORTUNITY as human beings. We have created life and thrown a stone in the pond of the earth from which ripples will be felt for GENERATIONS to come. How we treat others and how we allow ourselves to be treated in front of our children is being etched into their brains like a record...and they will not only mimic that behavior, they will accept it as universal law. That's right ladies. I'm telling you that the way you let your crappy husband storm out of the house when he's mad is exactly how your daughter is going to allow her boyfriend treat her and WORSE- that's how your son is going to treat his girlfriends... I'm letting you know that when you blow your child off because you are too busy talking on the phone to listen to their exciting kid story, you are teaching them a life lesson--and that is that they aren't important to you. I'm telling you that every time you snap at them in a rude voice instead of taking that deep breath and remembering that you are the adult...not only are you hurting them, you are adversely affecting their life and thus the lives of others. They will go forth with this knowledge that children aren't a priority and they will treat their children the same. Not only that, but if parents, who are supposed to love their children more than anyone or thing on the planet, do not prove this love on a daily, hourly, even minute by minute basis; then tell me how your child is going to grow up with any sense of self worth or pride? It pains me deeply to see the look on a child's face when they approach their parents busting with pride over a painting or googly eyed art project, only to get a blase response, or a "don't bother me right now". What did your child learn from that?
Now, take the same situation and reverse the parental reaction. Instead of the blow off, the parent takes 10 seconds of attention away from what they are doing, and gives their full attention to the child. They give them positive reinforcement and maybe even pick out a specific detail of the subject to highlight. Your child not only walks away with a smile on their face, they leave the moment knowing that they are important to you and that their effort was worth the result. In a tenth of a minute, you have given your child self pride and motivation to draw/write/sing again. How could that return not possibly be worth the investment?
Raising children isn't easy. So get some knowledge folks! Would you expect a surgeon to walk into a procedure without years of education? Yet most people don't even think to pick up a book when it comes to raising kids...they even scoff at the thought. Grow up and get smart. Read some books, take some advice, and most importantly pay attention to your child's response to your actions. Learn from it. If they don't walk away from your interaction (and this includes punishment) with a positive look on their faces, then you haven't done your job as a parent. Period, end of story.
These are your living, laughing, loving, kids I'm talking about. When is the last time your five year old held the door for anyone lately?
Hear, hear!
ReplyDeleteI've said on many occasions that most of the world's major problems are caused by the fact that parents don't see their children as real people. When you remember that they are real people, you feel more responsible for their future selves.
megan.....more blogs please......
ReplyDelete